Leaving Tulsa

I had quit a job in Arkansas and went back to Tulsa. I left on foot a couple of months ago to go paint water towers again. Jerry Ferguson out of Cherry Hill, Arkansas hired me back. Two years ago I worked for him and had to leave Arkansas and move to Tulsa because he was semiretired and would not work more than a couple of weeks. Then take 3 to 4 weeks off.

 Jerry could afford to do that, but Mike and I couldn’t. So I had gone to Tulsa where I had friends and knew I could work as soon as I got there. Dave and Margo lived in a little 14-foot travel trailer, where I slept on a hand built wood bed. It was just like I said. I was working as soon as I went to Standby personnel. 

Standby is a day labor place. I was in a permanent job in three days of being there. K&M Shillingford heat and air. Started as a temporary employee working for Standby. But on the second day I was hired on. Just had to get paid from Standby until my contract was up. Two months, they could have bought out my contract and had considered it, but it did not make sense. 

I was good with the decision since my contract was going to pay me 3,000 dollars. 5,000 To buy it out. Geo thermal heat pumps was what I was learning to do. It was pretty interesting. Using the earth and water to heat and cool your house or business. 

They were talking about sending me to school to learn more about geothermal heating and cooling. I had a good time on that job. The crew I worked with was cool, the job was cool, but when they started talking about investing in me, I kind of freaked out. I didn’t want to commit to the company for five years upon graduation. 

I fucked up that job. When I am single, I seem to have a self-destruct button somewhere that I hit when things get good. Only when I have been in a committed relationship, have I thrived and prospered. But somewhere along the line, I screw it all up. I have been in 2 committed relationships; One from September 92 to September 95. She broke my heart. It took 8 years to try again. January 04 to June of 17 was how long I was married. But for several months before I left, we had not been intimate. I have not been with a woman since November 16. That has made me somewhat crazy. And that I am a target has made me a bona fide nutcase. Just ask any woman I have talked to in the last year. As soon as things get to looking serious, I freak out and reverse the engines.

I wasn’t like this before the end of my marriage. I got broken and don’t know how to fix it. Not only that, but I need some mental health professional to unscramble my psyche.

Time to edit and post.